jueves, 8 de febrero de 2007
My individual essay....(first draft introductury paragraph))
Sometimes life is full of problems, responsibilities, stressful situatios and people is also worried about money, appearance clothes, shoes and thing related to a physical life; Beside, emotional reactions and anxiety. Mind and body can`t tolerate everything at the same time, as a result, people tend to be irritated, intolerant and unconfortable with themselves. Meditation helps people to improve their lifestyle, also emotional culivation and even imagination.
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3 comentarios:
Hi sasha. I read your essay and I like the topic but I saw some things. There is a comma missing between "appearance and clothes". I think that "thing" should go in plural. In "beside" there is a letter missing. I think you should develop more the sentence "Beside, emotional reactions and anxiety", because it feels like it's something missing, maybe you can eliminate the conector. Do not use Contractions, (can't)
Those are the things that I saw, I like the thesis, it's clear enough and it states the intention of your essay.
Hi Nasha!! I'm going to give you a few recomendations about your essay! I think you should make smaller sentences. Use period instead of colons! That's it!
Kisses and hugs! Love ya!
And good luck nashis!!
Love, Fefis!
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